When I was pregnant with my oldest daughter, my husband and I would joke about how we were going to have twin boys. We were going to name them Gearatio (gear ratio) and Gearoil (gear oil) in reverence to my husband’s passion for street rods. Obviously, we didn’t have boys. We have two girls, two and a half years apart in age. But every evening I fondly refer to my girls as “the twins.” After dinner is over I say to them, “I need the twins, ‘unload’ and ‘load,'” in reverence to my passion for having them do the dishes.
In a column a couple weeks ago, I mentioned that my children have “Momitis.” It’s an acute inflammation in the part of their brains that expects mom to do everything for them. Even though I think I may have caused it by not making them pick up when they were little, they have been required to pick up after themselves and do household chores for many years now. But there is an odd phenomenon that occurs, even though they are required to do the dishes every day, they forget every day. It must happen sometime in the night when they are sleeping and it must only happen in children. After all, my husband doesn’t forget to go to work each morning and I don’t forget to make dinner, do the laundry and do all the other things I need to do to make their lives more comfortable.
As my girls get older, they are given new chores they can handle. But somehow, as a result, it has created more work for me.
As a toddler, my oldest would cry when I ran the vacuum; it was too noisy. When I had to vacuum, her dad would either take her outside or they would hide in her bedroom. She rode that gravy train until she was into the double digits claiming it hurt her ears. I finally realized I was being manipulated and vacuuming was added to her list of chores.
They were about 8 and 6 when I added cleaning toilets and sinks to their list of chores. Of course they were disgusted by the task and the simple act of cleaning toilets became a new chore to be avoided. They exclaimed it was “just like fear factor!” (Remember that reality TV show where people would perform disgusting tasks?) I gave them a box of antibacterial wipes thinking it would make it easier for them. They used the whole box cleaning one bathroom and I had to abandon that idea in lieu of a more cost-saving cleaning method. My mother was appalled when I told her the kids were now cleaning toilets and sinks. She exclaimed, “I can’t believe you’re making my grandchildren clean
toilets! I never made you girls clean toilets!” I’m not really sure whose childhood my mother lived in, but apparently it wasn’t mine.
Once I sent them out to get a few remaining clothes off the line. I said “get the jeans off the line.” There were also a couple shirts I forgot were out there. Later I went out and saw the shirts on the line. I asked them why they didn’t take the shirts; they said, “you just said jeans!”
I don’t have any magical methods to make it easier for parents to get their children to do chores automatically. I have tried many things: monetary rewards, taking away allowance, taking away privileges. But the reality for them is, they are still minors and I legally have to take care of them. I think they figure as long as they have a roof over their heads, clothes on their backs and food in their bellies, they can sacrifice a few privileges in the name of chores they can’t stand.
I have even tried a chore chart, but it became my chore to make them look at the chore chart. I must admit, I sometimes make the decision to ignore that they’ve forgotten to do their chores because I’m too tired to bring it up. Some days it’s just easier to do the chore myself; it usually goes unnoticed. They probably don’t mention it in hopes I’ll never ask them to do it again.
Sometime it’s just more of a chore to get a child to do their chores.
