There are tricks to training a dog, and I learned a few tricks in the last few weeks.

My dog belongs to my daughter, Katy. She bought Yodie the Yorkie demon about two years ago. I was told the story Yodie would be going to college with Katy.

Ha, ha, ha.

I have now had the joy of Yodie ruling over me for the past two years.

Recently I decided it was time to take control and do some serious Yorkie training. I pointed out to Katy I am an accomplished dog ruler and Yodie is considerably lower on the evolutionary step stool.

What prompted this venture into hell was Yodie’s nighttime routine. She refuses to jump on the bed.

Here is the scene we play out each night. I go to bed and Yodie refuses to go to bed with me. Once I am settled, Yodie starts her scheming. She thinks by whining and complaining I will get up and lift her onto the bed. This evil Yorkie with her peanut brain does not understand my iron-like will. It takes several minutes before I cave in and lift the little monster onto the bed.

After being ruled by this beast with more hair than me, I decided I was the smart one in the house and it was time to prove it.

I carefully developed a training regime to teach Yodie to jump on the bed.

I placed a set of plastic steps at the end of the bed. I’d seen this advertisement on TV where this dog runs up the stairs onto the bed. Perfect. If the TV dog could do it, I could teach Yodie.

I situated the steps next to the bed and fell into bed, convinced my problems were over.

After about one minute I heard, “whine, whine, bark, bark, get up fatso.”

Apparently one of us was too dumb to figure out my masterful plan. I couldn’t believe it. Yodie would have nothing to do with my stairs.

But I wasn’t done. It was time for a revised plan. Being the brainy one and the master dog trainer, I reached for the dog treats.

According to Katy, my know-everything daughter, I was doing everything wrong.

I informed her I was the lord of the residence and I forged ahead.

On each step I strategically balanced a treat. I then placed the last one on top of the bed.

Yodie came into the bedroom and analyzed the scene. She took the treat off the lowest step and looked at me all mopey.

I coaxed her to move up the steps, but one of us was having trouble with the master training plan. I was sure it was the one with a peanut brain.

Finally using my intuitive animal logic, I picked Yodie up and held her in front of the treat on the second step. She ate it, so I lifted her up to the top step. Success again. I moved to the top of the bed and dropped her on the bed. She ate the treat and was on the bed.

Man-oh-man, my master plan had succeeded. I figured I could soon move on to teaching tigers to jump through fiery hoops.

I put Yodie back on the floor and started the treat trail again.

Once again Yodie ate the treat on the first step, then looked at me with mopey eyes..

OK, I thought, it even takes a tiger a few times. Being the one who can spell genius, I lifted her up the steps and set her on the bed. Success once again, until I put her back on the floor.

I’ve been training her for about a month now, and she has learned to sit very still while I lift her up for her treats – every night.

Maybe I could train a tiger to eat me.