Land wars – this nation has been involved in one long land war ever since Columbus missed India and landed somewhere in the Bahamas. No wonder he thought America would be such a cool place to vacation.

Shortly after our Italian friend with the funny hat returned home, the pilgrims decided it would be fun to ride a wooden tub across the Atlantic and start a new life eating corn and hard bread. If I had been a pilgrim I would have spent weeks barfing my guts out until we slammed into some rocky shore. I am sure I would have welcomed being clubbed to death by the first guy I met with a big stick.

Once the pilgrim boys and girls set up shop, some of them got the bright idea that there must be more. Somebody pointed west and the American land war was on, and it continues to this day in different forms at City Council meetings and public hearings over land use.

Today our land wars are fought with lawmakers, lawyers and SimCity displays rather than guys on horses with capes and shiny swords.

The history of bloody battles over land reaches back thousands of years.

The ancient Greeks spent hundreds of years spilling blood over one garden spot after another.

Imagine if the three cities around Four Corners – Maple Valley, Covington and Black Diamond – were part of the ancient Greek world, minus the ocean, sun and nice tans.

Maple Valley would have to be Athens, the artistic and cultural center of the ancient world. But before anyone in Maple Valley gets too warm and fuzzy, remember it was also the Athenians who decided it would be fun to knock off Socrates for his wacky ideas they didn’t like.

Covington would be Sparta, the greatest land army of the ancient world. They hated boats, but loved marching around in very straight lines. Sparta’s other claim to fame is Helen, the hottest girl in the world. She is usually referred to as Helen of Troy, but she was kidnapped from Sparta.

Black Diamond would have to be Macedonia. Many of the Greek city-states got all snooty and pointed out those darn Macedonians were not really Greek guys, because they lived “over there.” Unfortunately Philip II of Macedon had other ideas. One of those ideas was to have a son he named Alexander with a funny middle name – the great. Alexander proceeded to conquer most of the world until he caught the flu.

Fortunately the land wars around here are fought without blood flowing, bronze swords and sacking cities.

But sometimes during those public meetings, if you listen carefully, the footsteps of those ancient warriors can still be heard.