Are fathers important?
In this day of artificial insemination, single parenthood and adoption, women can certainly have children without men. So what do dads bring to the picture?
Many studies have shown that children do better in just about everything when they have an involved father. From better grades to higher self-esteem, dads have a positive effect on their kids all the up to adulthood. And today’s dads are far more active in their children’s lives than the dads of previous generations. From the time they take off work to see the first ultrasound, to changing diapers and attending sports events, they are hands-on participants in parenting.
My grandfather never changed a diaper, and my own father only changed diapers when he had to – on Saturdays when my mother worked. According to my mom, he used to gag all the way from the changing table to the toilet where he went to deposit the contents of the cloth diaper.
In contrast, my husband has probably changed as many diapers as I have. (We use cloth, too. I’ve never witnessed him gagging, but I have heard a few loud exclamations from the baby’s room.)
Dads are more involved than they used to be, but they approach parenting differently than moms. They are more laid-back in their parenting style. Cleanliness? Not as much of a concern. Are French fries a vegetable? Absolutely! And as long as the fry isn’t on the floor for more than 10 seconds, it’s completely edible. The kid falls on his head? If he isn’t knocked out or bleeding profusely, shake it off. Diaper sagging to the knees? What’s the problem? It hasn’t fallen off yet.
They just worry less than moms.
Our first child had horrible colic and screamed at us the first few months of her life. The doctor said she was fine, but I worried. I asked my husband, “What if we are doing something wrong?” He looked at me and said (with a completely straight face), “She’s still alive, isn’t she?”
With dads, it’s all about the basics. One Sunday morning, my husband dressed our 3-year-old daughter. She came out wearing sweatpants, a big shirt that hung to her knees and tennis shoes. When he saw my expression, he said, “It’s the baggy look.” When I protested that we were going to church, he shrugged and said, “She’s just going to the nursery.” He did have a point.
Dads tend to approach things in a non emotional, practical way. Not that they don’t show affection, they are just more pragmatic. I once asked a friend to help me put window locks on my second-story windows. I was trying to figure out the placement of the locks so that I could open the window enough to get fresh air but not enough that the kid could fall out. I was measuring my child’s head with a measuring tape when he looked at me and said, “I would’ve just put the lock on, opened the window and held the kid up there to see if his head fit through the crack.” Actually not a bad idea – just not one a mom would’ve come up with. A mom would’ve been worried that she would drop the kid, set a bad example or some other such concern.
Dads tend to play rougher with their kids. (Have you ever seen a woman throw a baby into the air?) They push them higher on the swing, encourage them to go down the biggest slide. They have confidence that their kids can do more. The kids in turn pick up on that and develop self-confidence.
Moms would probably have their kids go through life covered in bubble wrap to protect them if they could. It’s a good balance.
Dads are important. From getting their daughters involved in sports to teaching their sons by example that it’s fine for guys to cook or change diapers, kids can only benefit from an involved dad. And besides, who else is going to teach the kids to hang spoons from their noses or make funny noises with their armpits?
Happy Fathers Day to all you dads. Have a great day. You deserve it.
Tiffany Doerr Guerzon lives in Maple Valley. She can be reached through the Reporter at pjenkins@reporternewspapers.com.
