Part one of the domestic violence series provided an in-depth look at stories from victims who have dealt with domestic violence. The stories had a few things in common, including that the victims stayed with their abuser for years.

This raises the questions of how victims can get out of a domestic violence situation.

While domestic violence situations differ from case to case, the number one thing co-founder of Covington’s Domestic Violence Task Force, Victoria Throm, wants people to know is that they have a lot of options. While it may not seem like it in most cases, there are ways to get out of domestic violence situations.

An immediate solution is to call the police, Covington Chief of Police Andrew McCurdy wrote in an email.

“If you fear for your safety, get out and call 911,” McCurdy said. “It is not worth it to stay and argue when your life is in danger. I would rather send an officer to mediate a dispute before someone gets hurt.”

If a police officer is called and they determine a person is injured by a family or household member, they are obligated to arrest the abuser. That is only a temporary solution though, McCurdy said. They will also provide information on how to get help and permanently get out of violent situations.

Restraining orders are also an option for people, but at the end of the day, a restraining order is just a piece of paper.

“I always tell people that an order is just a piece of paper so they should take steps to protect themselves because sometimes these orders can anger or incite the respondent,” McCurdy said.

Restraining orders are taken very seriously. If the person with the restraining order violates the terms, they will be arrested.

Restraining orders often get extended, unless the victim will come and talk about why they want it lifted, Deputy City Attorney for Bonney Lake, Maili Barber, said.

“In that situation, the judge is going to inquire whether that is really good for [them],” Barber said.

While calling the police is option, victims sometimes hesitate to contact the police, McCurdy said.

“[Victims] are afraid of what will happen to them and their loved ones,” McCurdy said. “We try to be sensitive to these concerns and do what is best for the specific situation while still meeting our legal requirements.”

These situations are far more complex than most of us realize. It is easy to tell someone to just get out of a relationship but it is rarely an easy thing to do, McCurdy said. Everyone deserves to feel safe and everyone deserves to be treated with dignity and respect, McCurdy said. McCurdy encourages people who are unsafe or unhappy in a relationship, to reach out for help before it becomes violent.

It’s not just the victim who has options of how to get out of a domestic violence situation. Friends and family of a victim also have options of how to help them. Taking action as an outsider or a victim, as soon as possible, is the best thing anyone can do to keep them safe.

As far as helping someone you know is in a domestic violence situation, it’s as simple as offering support without criticism, Throm said.

“This can be as simple as giving someone a ride or letting them use the phone,” Throm said in an email. “Small acts of kindness can make a difference, let them know it’s not their fault and that they are not alone.”

Other ways to help include:

• Don’t be afraid to let them know you are concerned for their safety and tell them about domestic violence resources in their community.

• Help them develop a plan to stay safe and keep their children safe.

• Encourage them to stay connected to friends and family.

• Be nonjudgmental and respect their decisions concerning their relationship.

• Avoid confrontations. There are many reasons why individuals experiencing abuse don’t reach out to family and friends.

• Ask how you can be helpful. Don’t try to make any decisions for your friend because it implies that you think they can’t make good choices.

“Let them know it’s not their fault and they are not alone,” Throm said.

While the reason why someone stays is different in every situation, it is very important to let someone in a domestic violence situation know they have many options to help them get out.

Resources for domestic violence victims

24 hour hotlines

• Abused Deaf Women’s Advocacy Services (TTY) 206- 236-3134 • Salvation Army DV Programs 206-324-4943

• WA State DV Hotline: 1-800-562-6025

• DAWN 425-656-7867

Other domestic violence programs and resources

• API Chaya for South Asian women 206-325-0325

• King County Prosecuting Attorney

• Kent office – support thru the court process, court hearing preparation & advocacy during & after the hearings. 206-205-7400

• Protection Order Advocacy Program – assistance filing for protection orders 206-205-7406

• Family Court Services – determines if child visitation is appropriate when there is a protection order against one parent.

• NW Immigrant Rights Project call Crisis Clinic at 2-1-1

Local resources

• DAWN: Located in downtown Kent and provides community and legal advocacy , women’s support groups, Kids Club, and safety planning for victims. Legal consultation includes child custody/visitation, protection orders, support enforcement and financial protection. They have a confidential shelter in South King County with maximum shelter stays of 60 days with the goal to get the victim and her family into transitional or permanent housing. 425-656-7867

• YWCA of South King County: Located in Renton – 425- 226-1266. Provides advocacy-based counseling, support groups in Covington & Auburn, crisis intervention, Kids support group, & safety planning for victims.

• City of Covington Human Services: 253-480-2411. Provides advocacy, resources & referrals to victims of domestic violence.

• Jennifer Beach Foundation: 253-833-2321. Assisting adults and children recovering from domestic violence or child abuse. Other free services offered are: Hope & Power for your Personal Finances is a 6 week course; Kids Club for ages 6-11 who have been exposed to DV is a 10-week course aimed at breaking the cycle of abuse; and a Women’s Support Group.

• Consejo Counseling & DV Referral Services: 206-461- 4880

• NW Family Life: Faith-based DV support 206-363- 9601

• Legal Voice: 206-682-9552. Help with legal information and referral.