Ask 10 parents of successful children what they did right, and you’re likely to get 10 different answers. There’s no one way to raise a child. Just look at all the books on the subject. Yet get those same parents in a room together, and they would probably have a lot in common.

Styles and strategies aside, there are certain things that all effective parents share and that all children need. This isn’t a complete list, by any means, but you might want to keep the following fundamentals in mind as you and your children go through this trial-and-error growing up journey together.

Unconditional love: Your child needs to know that you love him for who he is, no matter what. If he does something that disappoints or angers you, make sure you’re clear that it’s the action or behavior you don’t like, not him. Show your love every chance you get, and you’ll be helping your child do the same.

Listening and communication: When you listen – really listen – to your child as she’s telling you about her friend’s hamster that died, you’re demonstrating that her thoughts and feelings are important. If you’re occupied and can’t give her your full attention, tell her you’ll get back to her soon; then actually do it. Your follow-though, as well as your willingness to listen and discuss, builds trust and a foundation for open communication for years to come.

Empathy: Empathy is the ability to put yourself in your child’s shoes, tuning into his body language as well as his words to understand what’s behind his behavior. Once you know what’s really going on, you can offer your guidance and support while resisting the urge to jump in and fix it for him.

Respect: If you treat your child with respect, even while disciplining, he’s more likely to develop a healthy respect for himself and others, including you.

Trust: Confident parents trust their children to make their own age-appropriate decisions. If you try to control their every move, you’re likely to get resistance or outright rebellion. Allowing children to try – and sometimes fail – fosters a sense of responsibility and healthy independence.

Leadership: Sometimes doing what’s best requires making rules that people don’t like. Good leaders know this. So do effective parents. Children will test, cajole and throw fits. It’s their job to push their limits, and your buttons. It’s your job to lead by example and not cave.

Consistency: Raising children takes teamwork. If your parenting techniques clash with your spouse’s, you’re likely to have problems and one very confused kid.

Patience: It’s easy to get frustrated when children balk, throw tantrums or insist on tying their own shoes when you’re already 10 minutes late! Take a deep breath, or two or three, and try not to let your frustration get the better of you. Parents who take the time to appreciate their children’s development, missteps and all, are happier for it. And you’ll have far fewer regrets later, when they’re all grown up and you’re wondering where the time went.