For years I have been performing the same task every weekday morning of every summer. I have now given it up. I find I really don’t seem to care and I can’t figure out why it was so important in the first place.
It used to irritate me when my kids would stay up late (early?) enough to hear their dad leave for work at 4:30 in the morning. I had a summer rule: In bed bymidnight unless they had friends overnight. Then I insisted they get up by 10:00am and do something beneficial with their lives or help me. It was my attempt at making them productive members of society.
In the summer when I was a kid, we had to get up at a decent hour and do chores until noon (and walk to school five miles in the snow both ways). After lunch and a quiet time, my mom would do anything we wanted to do from dropping us off to float the river to taking us to a nearby lake.
I forgot to mention I grew up in the country and we had a substantial vegetable garden on our half acre of land, not to mention goats, chickens, many cats, dogs, and a home with only wood heat for which we had to chop wood to get ready for winter.
My kids have a few summer chores like taking over scooping the cat box or doing dishes. I do have a garden, but it’s decorative and it’s my hobby, so I don’t need much help with it. Last year I had them both helping clean up my mom’s yard, but it about killed my youngest daughter with her allergies. I don’t water the lawn, so it dies and the grass doesn’t need to be mowed. The house can only be so clean. Anything I need to sort out needs to be done by me. Occasionally I’ll have them help me schlepp stuff around.
The long and the short of it is nothing I have them do can ever be as satisfying or helpful as the chores I did as a kid before it just becomes busywork, which also made it busywork for me and I really don’t enjoy supervising all summer.
It’s just the way it is. So I’m not really sure if it’s because my oldest is not living at home or if it’s because my youngest does have a summer job, but I don’t care anymore. I’m used to having the house to myself in the mornings anyway, so it’s not like I miss having company.
So here I am, the end of the second week of summer and I don’t care when she goes to bed or when she gets up. The more surprising thing is that I didn’t consciously plan it. When I realized I had given up my obsession, it made me pause and take a moment to consider my options: reinforce the rules and make it a summer battle or let it go and give myself a relaxing summer.
I cannot begin explain the freedom not worrying about my daughter’s sleep schedule has done for my psyche. It’s one less thing to nag about (not totally nag free, unfortunately), one less thing to control, one less thing that I am responsible for.
Yes, a lot of my summer angst was of my own doing, but now that I’m not worrying about it, I really can’t fathom why I tried for so long. When I wake them up, I am by association, responsible for them. I have my own life to orchestrate.
I probably won’t see them the rest of the summer.
Gretchen Leigh is a stay-at-home mom who lives in Covington. You can read more of her writing and her daily blog on her websitelivingwithgleigh.com or on Facebook at “Living with Gleigh.” Her column is available every week at maplevalleyreporter.com under the Lifestyles section.