With the dawn of a new school year, my oldest moving home, landing a job with a maid service and my youngest’s best friend moving in, it has taken a lot of inner strength for me not to interfere in their lives.
Granted, they are all in need of some sort of direction; that’s why they’re all living in my home and there is a lot I can do to advise them, but I don’t need to get them up in the morning. Don’t get me wrong, they haven’t asked me to, but it has taken every fiber of my being to make myself stay in bed and not worry about whether they are doing what they need to do or whether they’re on time.
The first week my oldest started her new job, I practically had to grab the sheets to make myself stay in bed when I woke up and didn’t hear her. I chanted in my head, “She can do this, she can do this, please let her do this.” And she did.
I realize if she messes up, I need to let her do that, but she’s done a good job managing her own schedule. She picked up the cold my youngest and adopted middle daughter brought home from school, but she still drug herself out of bed and made it to work on time, without my intervention.
OK, I must have full disclosure here, I am still waking up around the time they’re all supposed to be getting up and looking at the clock and trying to do math in my head: “My oldest is up. Should my youngest be up? The clock says 6:03, it’s five minutes fast, my youngest gets up around 6:05, that would be 6:10 on my clock.” Then I just hope my middle daughter is up too because I think she lets my youngest get a head start in the shower, which is prime fall-back-to-sleep-opportunity, but I make myself lie in bed until my alarm goes off at 6:10.
Fortunately, my oldest is showering at night because she feels gross from her day of cleaning houses and sweating from the effort. It’s not fortunate that she feels gross, but that she’s taking a shower at night and there isn’t that added shower for them to figure out how to fit in the morning.
And it’s really not that I care if they have to all figure out how to get in three showers before 6:30 am, but if they did I’d probably wake up at 5:30 and start stressing over it and doing the math in my head. I feel like if I have to tell one kid, even one time to wake up, it will be the end of their growing independence from me.
It’s bad enough that I feel like I want more for their lives than they want for their lives, I shouldn’t have to wake them up to live those lives. And I’m not. They seem to be doing fine – for now. The school year just started, the job just started.
This week it’s been easier for me to stay in bed. My oldest’s movement through the house is how I’ve been waking up these last few days. I still wonder if she’s on time, hope it’s her and not my youngest (because my oldest should be up before my youngest), still look at the clock and do morning math, but I’m remaining in my bed until my alarm goes off.
Although, it has taken every fiber of my being and every fiber in my sheets.
Gretchen Leigh is a stay-at-home mom who lives in Covington. You can read more of her writing and her daily blog on her website livingwithgleigh.com or on Facebook at “Living with Gleigh.” Her column is available every week at maplevalleyreporter.com under the Lifestyles section.
