“I’m seriously thinking of getting off Facebook.”

“I feel like I’m drowning and can’t catch my breath.”

“I’m thinking of making a major change in my life that will dramatically affect my family.”

Are you concerned? Are you wondering what is going on with me? Doesn’t it make you a little crazy, like reading one of those kinds of books that end vaguely, letting the reader decide what really happened? I hate those kinds of books and I hate those kinds of Facebook posts.

It’s what my teenage daughters call Vague-booking. It’s a derivative of Facebook. It’s a vague status that prompts concerned comments from the friends of the person who posted it. But I’m never sure whether to be concerned. I have questions.

If they would only complete the thought, we would all know whether to truly be concerned:

Pray for my daughter as she goes through this difficult time in her life, [because we all know how signing up for next year’s high school classes can be tough, especially when it’s only February].

I’m seriously thinking of getting off Facebook [for the night, because I’ve been on it for three hours and so far I’ve read nothing life-changing, but I’ll be back tomorrow].

I feel like I’m drowning and can’t catch my breath [because 10 laps in the pool is much harder than it used to be].

I’m thinking of making a major change in my life that will dramatically affect my family, [I’m going to do the laundry on Tuesday instead of Monday].

I’m not saying people who vague-book don’t have legitimate issues, but if they want real help they should see a therapist or at least talk to someone they trust and love FACE to FACE, not post random, vague clues on Facebook.

Every morning I look forward to a particular friend’s status. She checks in because she has legitimate health issues. It’s a way for her to reach all her friends at once who want to know how she is doing. But she lays it out there every day, no vague-booking, no solicitation for sympathy, no illusory hints about what is going on in her life. I totally appreciate her candor, it is definitely worth posting.

I enjoy seeing another friend’s statuses on her newly found running adventures. She’s been all over the West coast running marathons with old friends and newly made friends. Those are statuses worth posting.

Post recipes, funny cartoons, philosophical epiphanies, stuff by George Takei (original Star Trek actor; his FB postings are always funny).

You know the old adage? “If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all.” I would like to amend it: “If you can’t just say it, don’t post it on Facebook.”

“I’m not sure if I’m ready for this time in my life right now.”

“I don’t know if I can handle another moment.”

“If that thing that happened ever happens again, I think I’ll literally explode.”

You don’t have to read between my lines, because I’ll tell you to your Facebook status:

I’m not sure if I’m ready for this time in my life right now, [I think menopause is going to suck the big one.]

I don’t know if I can handle another moment [writing about vague-booking].

If that thing that happened ever happens again, I think I’ll literally explode [because I’ve just been forced to vague-book and I’ve also used literally incorrectly].

So join me in People Against Vague-booking (PAV). And if you literally can’t do that, join me in PAULI – People Against Using Literally Incorrectly.

Gretchen Leigh is a stay-at-home mom who lives in Covington. She is committed to using ‘literally’ correctly and not vague-booking. You can also read more of her writing and her daily blog on her website livingwithgleigh.com or on Facebook at “Living with Gleigh.” Her column is available every week at maplevalleyreporter.com under the Lifestyles section.